From panic attacks to feeling more ‘me’ - a twelve month wellness journey
I'm so grateful that you're here checking out The Slow Down Collective. I'm SO passionate about helping others that might be feeling anxious and overwhelmed that I've documented everything I did after I was given a GP diagnosis of 'severe anxiety' and was put on a 12-month waiting list for talking therapy (CBT).
I mean, what do you do when you don't know how to make yourself feel better?
It wasn't easy for me to get out of bed at first due to the crippling anxiety. And I didn't talk to anyone about it for months as I felt like a failure and was so ashamed (neither of which were true of course, but anxiety throws all self-compassion out of the window).
So, I silently googled the hell out of 'anxiety', started reading lots, went on my own search for answers and slowly over time by making lots of small changes I started to feel more 'me' again. I was CRAVING a slower pace and in an effort to bring some control and calm to my life, I began my wellness journey.
Here's everything I tried over those 12 months from May 2019 to May 2020, split into activities I tried for the mind, body and finally delving into some soul work:
MIND
I read lots of books - 'Jog On' by Bella Mackie and 'Mad Girl' by Bryony Gordon were my introduction to mental health and they opened my eyes to how common it is to live with anxiety.
I immediately decreased my workload and very slowly over a number of months built it back up to a manageable level on my terms.
I did some NHS-funded online guided Cognitive Behavioural Therapy called Silvercloud. This was great to help me understand my thought patterns and how to start to think about things differently.
I had regular sessions with a counsellor at Mind.
I'm a member of Southwood Social Hub and over time (when I was comfortable to) I started to talk openly in small groups about what I had experienced. Although it was SO hard to talk about it all at first, I was astounded to realise that when I talked about what I'd been through, so many people nodded along. We truly are never alone! Being honest, authentic and real connects us and I desperately craved this connection.
As someone who always wants to learn, I trained to be a Mental Health First Aider with MHFA England through BMR Health and Wellbeing to deepen my understanding of mental health and to be able to support others where needed.
I learned to say 'no' a LOT more - to projects that didn't float my boat, to events I didn't want to go to, to clients that weren't a good match...
I tried my hardest to remove myself from negative conversations as much as possible - I suddenly realised how much gossip I was surrounded by and how much I took on other people's negative vibes. No time for that anymore!
BODY
I got my trainers on and went out running. This took a few months to find the energy to do it but I’ve learnt that moving my body in any way works wonders for my head.
I trained for a half marathon with friends - this felt big and scary but it gave me some focus and something to aim for, and the sense of achievement afterwards was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced.
I continued with regular exercise to keep my head clear - Laura at Fitness Tribe has created the best community of supportive ladies showing up doing daily HIIT classes to prioritise their wellbeing.
I visited a nutritionist - the brilliant Louise at Place Eight Wellness - to look at my diet. My bespoke plan included recommendations for overall wellbeing but also targeted advice around foods, supplements and vitamins to manage anxiety. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this advice changed my life.
I cut out meat and experimented with intermittent fasting. I'm not at all saying that these things have directly affected my ability to manage my anxiety but they have definitely contributed to me feeling 'better' overall.
SOUL
I had a Wellness Consultation with the wonderful Lisa Pauley of Rise & Bloom who introduced me to the world of essential oils. These very much became my safety blanket for a while - I wouldn't go anywhere without my trusty bag of oils and still use them daily.
I worked with a Wellness Coach - the brilliant Caroline at Recovery Cube - to look at my life as a whole and to identify where things were out of kilter.
I did some work with an Emotional Acceptance coach - my lovely friend Deniz Mustard. She helped me explore where my passions truly lie.
I attended a Kakao ceremony led by Clare at Little Holistic Kitchen and it was the most blissful, relaxing and nurturing experience. Clare created a gorgeous, peaceful space for the group of women who joined, it was magical.
I joined a local Yoga studio (the gorgeous Whitespace Studios) for much-needed headspace and calm.
I went for a reflexology session with the fantastic Jaideep at Ebb + Flow. This was one of the most relaxing treatments I'd ever experienced!
I went for a couple of reiki sessions with both Jaideep and also Victoria at Ask the Angels. Both very different sessions as they were at different points of my journey but, oh my, were both experiences intense, powerful and deeply eye-opening.
I experimented with meditation (I'm still not very good at it, although I know that's not the point to be good!) and really enjoyed exploring different mantras and chants to keep me calm - ‘Ek Ong Kar Sat Gur Prasaad’ is my favourite to play on repeat in my head in times of deep anxiety.
I practised mindfully expressing gratitude on a daily basis. When you’re feeling lower than low, it’s amazing how you can always find something to be grateful for.
I started using affirmation as a daily practice - turning a new card over every day and using the words to guide me through the day.
……..and this is where all this work has taken me. Someone who now listens intensely to my body and mind and walking through life at a much slower pace.
Yes I still have moments of intense anxiety and panic attacks, but I feel more aware of what’s happening to me now and feel better equipped to deal with it when it’s happening with my own personalised anxiety ‘toolkit’.
I hope you find some inspiration in this list to create your own toolkit of resources.
Whatever you're going through, please know that you're not alone.
With love,
Helen x